Functionally Dead

 Full details 

  • Please email pitches to Please do not submit a full piece! A brief summary and a title is perfect. For art submissions, you can include the finished piece.

  • There’s no hard limit on the number of pitches/pieces you can send us at a time, but try to keep it reasonable. 5 feels about right.

  • Please include “Submission” in the subject line.

  • We are primarily interested in publishing short, left-leaning political satire, non-political comedy that speaks to the current moment, and earnest non-comedic essays from a Leftist perspective. Short fiction / poetry isn’t really our thing, but if you really think it’d fit our voice, send it over!

  • We typically don’t publish pieces over 1,200 words unless it’s REALLY interesting. Is your piece really that interesting? If you’re wondering, it’s probably not.

  • We look at pitches from contributors the week after an issue is released.

  • We’ll get back to you by that Thursday with what pitch we liked the most. After that, we’d like a first draft by EOD that Sunday. This tighter turnaround helps keep each issue fresh and current.

  • Please paste the piece directly in the body of the email. If you’re submitting art, an attachment is fine. Otherwise, no attachments!

  • We accept simultaneous submissions - just let us know in the body of your email.

  • Thanks to our Patreon, we can pay our contributors! We pay $50 per piece. After your piece is published, we’ll be in touch about payment.

Please feel free to email if you have any questions!



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